|
ladykatilina
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Kelly
Birthday: 5/14/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: MUSIC, ice cream, good books, the spaghetti feeling you get after a good work out, movies but generally not tv, musicals :), psychology, Queen Elizabeth I, percussion, increasing my nerd factor by ingesting copious amounts of research methods, gardening, tea, the EUGS, water, men, how/why people think and feel, love, mastering the fine art of sleeping and rowing, conversation, well thought out arguments, Oxford, castles, skiing, hiking, poetry, writing, pictures...
I would like to think like einstein and write like dickenson.
Expertise: A wise man knows he knows nothing.
Occupation: TA/Student
Industry: Nonprofit
Message: message me
AIM:  Ladykatilina
Member Since:
3/22/2004
|
|
| We have come to a defining moment in American history where we will look back and tell our grandchildren that we were there when our first African American was elected. At this moment I am joyous because I feel that we have finally overlooked a person's skin colour and have judged him based on his character and qualifications. We have elected a man who has brought hope to America when the world looks so bleak. I am optimistic now that we can once again rise to a respected place in the world. People in countries all over the world won't hate us for arbitrarily showing off our military superiority but maybe can once again respect us for everything that we should stand for; peace, freedom and democracy. Barack Obama probably made the most important point in his speech tonight that him winning the election today will not automatically bring the positive changes that our country needs, but rather gives us the opportunity to work for those changes that would otherwise not be possibilities.
My roommates and I sat in our living room glued to CNN (and CNN.com on our laptops) feeling that we were in solidarity with the other millions of Americans who voted for Barack Obama today. We were nervous that through some major fluke in polling we might somehow end up with McCain as our next president, and consequently four more years of similar policies to those of Bush. There was a superstitious air, we would not let Elizabeth talk about Obama winning before it was official. I imagine millions of other people across all 50 states doing the same thing. For the first time in a long time I am most truly and sincerely Proud to be an American.
| | |
| I still love you. I am still in love with you. I see things and I
relate them to you. I put your happiness first and so I shut up about
everything floating through my head that I know you really do not want
to hear about, or even know about. I probably tell you more than you
really want to hear anyways. I can't tell if you have really just
stopped wanting to be around me.. or if you are just trying to make
things easier. the whole change easier. It feels like things are
getting forced and I am getting scheduled in instead of simply existing
as part of what is. I don't feel like that makes it any easier for
anyone. I know I am not supposed to love you. You are just so easy to
love. You always were. Which really was the problem in the first
place.. falling in love when it was not time for that. I have tried to
prepare myself for the adjustment and my being is unprepared for the
consequential lack of closeness. I feel like my emotions exude from me
in thick streams that make you uncomfortable and tangled. They make me
uncomfortable and tangled. | | |
| I don't particularly enjoy being alone unless there are other people in
the vicinity. I know this makes me a dependent person, and that this
dependence is a sort of character flaw. So that is the truth of it
then.. something to tick off of a list of traits. I just know that when
I am alone for any period of time (such as a full day without physical
human contact) I get lonely. I have talked to a number of people on the
phone today and that really only helps for the moment. I crave physical
closeness. I am in dire need of a hug. I was hugged yesterday but I am
in need of a hug again. This dependence is frustrating. Loneliness
itself is a frustrating emotion.
It
was not a bad day. I accomplished things that needed accomplishing. I
coloured trees. I played my drum. I baked a pie. I even fetched a
filing cabinet that I had found on craigs list for free. I read 100
pages of the Ultimate Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. *shrug*
I
was also a bit low all day. I was a bit low most of yesterday as well.
Being low makes me slightly nervous and increases my desire to be
around people.. on the off chance that I might go really low and need
help to stay functioning properly. | | |
| the song in my head- all we are (matt nathanson)
I tasted, tasted love so sweet
And all of it was lost on me
Buttons sold like property
Sugar on my tongue
I kept falling over
I kept looking backward
I went broke believing
That the simple should be hard
All we are we are
All we are we are
And every day is a start of something beautiful
I wasted, wasted love for you
Traded out for something new
Well, it's hard to change the way you lose
If you think you never won
'Couse all we are we are
All we are we are
And every day is a start of something beautiful
And in the end the words won't matter
'Couse in the end tothing stays the same
And in the end dreams just scatter and fall like rain
'Couse all we are we are
All we are we are
And every day is a start of something beautiful, something real
All we are we are
All we are we are
And every day is a start of something beautiful, beautiful
| | |
| I'm trying to determine how unconditional my love is. I am currently stressing over this. (I have been stressing a bit more recently- which is causing what I refer to as acid belly) I say that it is unconditional. I think it is. Unconditional love is what we all strive for.. well hopefully we all strive for it.. and we say that we love this person or that person unconditionally.. but do we? How unconditional is it? Unconditional love means that we love them period. It means that we love them with out expecting anything in return. If you want something back (even love itself)then that is a transaction and I would say not unconditional love. There are almost always conditions. It should not depend on the person, but it does. That is how it works out. It is usually depends on that person having to love us back. How often do we truly love people that do not love us back. This is not exactly the biblical love your enemy issue that I am currently talking about.. although I can see that tie in.. it comes down to how do you love some one wholly, with your being. Sometimes it just doesn't happen. So how do you know then that you are really just loving them?
Can you run out of love? Can that dry up? That really is the question. How much do we have of ourselves to give. If we assume that unconditional love in it's most complete sense is possible then I wonder how many times a person can before their being can not do it anymore. Or do we have unlimited reserves? How much can you spread out your emotions? Will your emotions towards others affect the number of unconditional loves you have?
I would like to think that I can
that I do
I just wonder what it takes out of me?
| | |
|
